I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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