i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize