I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
