wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
