im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
