If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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