He is such a slut. More and more my type.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
