Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My ass is underappreciated
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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