We won't sleep together?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
