Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I want is dick and wine.
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