like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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