Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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