Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
