i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
