I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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