My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hippo gnu deer
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
