i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
