So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
