how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
