he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
