I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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