I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
