It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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