He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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