I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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