I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
