It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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