College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
