I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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