You really coming over, don't trick.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize