9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
