People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
