go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
