My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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