I'm jealous of your bromance
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
