i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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