it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
