And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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