if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
