Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize