My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Still dying that you shit outside
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
