There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
