Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I need water and some morals
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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