Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
