I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
