I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
