Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
