I love black thongs
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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