Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize