I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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