Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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