his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
