Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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