he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
