Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
