Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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