He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
