I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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