Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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