just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize