I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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