I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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