Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Every concussion has its silver lining
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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