I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
