my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
